Dreams

 I know I dream, we all do. I usually don't remember them though. One of my most vivid dreams was of me getting back with someone I thought I'd marry and have a family with. It was so vivid, so real. Details were crisp, exact. The timbre of the conversation and the mundanity of the scene were such that it was almost prophetic. Of course, it didn't happen. It was a nice visit to a possibility but in the end, it was just a dream. Just now, I was awakened by another one. I was married, with a couple of kids. It was idyllic. It was joyous in its 'real-ness'. There was such happiness in the interactions with my wife, daughter, and son. Of course, there was a dog. I love dogs. There was even a mini-van. As I said, it was joyous but also sad.

Why sad? Because it will never be. I am past the age of that sort of thing. It will never be. Don't mistake me, I'm ok with that. I had that dream for a long time and even pursued it a few times. Alas, it wasn't in God's plan for me. No wife. No kids. I can't tell you how it pains me. I also can't understand people who deliberately avoid children and marriage. Children are a great blessing, yet many would rather destroy them in the womb. Too much of a burden they say. God will not hold them guiltless. We are so cavalier when it comes to destroying life. We have no reverence for it. As the hearts of many continue to grow colder and colder, life means even less. We become so obsessed with ourselves that we become less than human.

So, I'm saddened that my dream never came true. Yet, I am joyous because, through that dream, I tasted it for an instant. Brief though it was, I tasted it. That was a gift. Yes, now I'm awake and the dream was just that, a dream. Yet, it makes me happy. I will continue on as I always do. I will enjoy family, friends, and life as I always have. God will use me as His will decides. I am His slave and He reigns. I aspire to nothing more than what I am. A child of God. Joyfully so.