Thoughts on Dying

 It's something we all face, the dying of a loved one. I speak of the dying, not the death. Watching someone die is, in my opinion, much harder to deal with than their death itself. I say this as someone who lost his dad to a car wreck and his mom to death from Alzheimer's and Dementia. One was instantaneous and the other protracted and long. BOTH were hard to deal with but one was much more painful than the other. 

Watching the slow death is much harder as it drains your emotions a little at a time in a continuous suck. Watching someone die who can no longer be helped by doctors is a slow and draining process. Watching someone fade is quite painful. Repetitive? Yes. I'm wanting to drive it home how draining it is to watch. It is torturous. You have your insides ripped apart every day. I watched my mom fade from the person I'd known all my life to someone different. She lost parts of who SHE was and who I'd known over time. It's the same for someone who doctors can no longer help. You don't know how long the dying will take but it's a drawn-out process. You watch them seemingly shrink physically as who they are leaks away spiritually. It's very hard.

I wasn't going to bring Faith into this but I have to. Faith is my bulwark against the pain involved as well as the possible loss of one's ability to FEEL. When your love and compassion are assaulted by daily by the slow death of a loved one, you tend to try and wall off your feelings to protect them. It's a natural thing but you can lose them if you're not careful. I prefer to not repress them. Rather, I embrace them and rely on God to guide me so as to not go to extremes. He keeps my love and loss on an even keel so neither is taken to extremes. Nor are they lessened. I mourn the loss, yet I am also for being able to be there for that loved one. None of us should, were it possible, ever die alone.